BILLINGSGATE POST: After a day’s recess, the Manhattan grand jury requested that the albino raccoon hairpiece that was given to Mr. Trump by Vladimir Putin be subpoenaed. The controversial hairpiece was thought to be wired directly to the President’s brain, providing a conduit that allows the flow of artificial intelligence to Russian agents.
Manhattan district attorney Alvin Bragg said that he hopes the hairpiece recorded the alleged tryst between Trump and the horse-face porn actress Stormy Daniels; an event Trump denies taking place.
To the casual observer, the innocuous looking pelt appears alert. Its beady black eyes stare from beneath the comb-over like beacons in the night, flickering when the wig transmits brainwaves to computers in Moscow. Trump’s own eyes seem dull by comparison; his brain being drained by the robotic artificial intelligence agent woven within the hairpiece.
Expecting an early morning raid from FBI agents to snatch the hairpiece while Trump is sleeping, Secret Service Agents assigned to Trump at Mar-a-Lago are gearing up security to prevent an incident if the hairpiece resists.
Trump attorneys say that any admission by the albino raccoon hairpiece that it participated in or witnessed the alleged affair with Stormy Daniels should be suspect; noting that no albino raccoon has been found in Nature.
Dr. Slim: “I don’t trust artificial intelligence. Seems there’s no there there.”
Dirty: “Yo, Dr. Dude. If it ain’t natural, it ain’t to be trusted, no how.”
