QUACK QUACK, Alabama - (Satire News) - BuzzFuzz reporter Taffeta Kixx has just broken the story that Donald Jonathan Erasmus Trump, the self-proclaimed billionaire, is in desperate need of funds to pay his "bigly" lawyer's fees.
Trump's one and only friend, Greg "The Swamp Monster" Gutfeld, revealed to Miss Kixx that (Trumpy) has resorted to opening up a thrift shop in the reddest town in America, Quack Quack, Alabama.
Kixx noted that the average resident of QQ, as the locals call their town, has a mental age of 3.
The town has no high school because the residents usually don't make it past nursery school.
The town is a mecca of beer-drinking, and the locals are proud to have at least 17 town drunks instead of the usual one.
SIDENOTE: Miss Kixx visited Trump's Thrift Shop and reported that some of the items for sale include over 100 combs with Trump's "covfefe" hair stuck in them, about 45 of his "Make America Great Again" hats that have been chewed by his pet toucan, and hundreds of autographed 8 by 10 glossies of Trump himself in various poses, including one where he's dressed up as a duck.
