SAN FRANCISCO - (Satire News) - In a recent scandalous report from Scandal Today, it has been revealed that a masseuse working in the Bay Area is claiming that she is the biological daughter of Donald Trump or as Ivanka calls him (her little sperm donor father).
The woman, named Ambrosia Franconero, looks exactly like Trump, from the hair, the eyes, to even the little, itsy-bitsy fingers. She claims that her mother, Ebba Franconero, has shown her lots of photos of her sitting on Trump's lap, having fast food at different restaurants, and caddying for him on several golf courses.
Ambrosia's mother even provided some intimate details, including that Trump liked to be spanked with a copy of Golf Guide Illustrated Magazine, was fond of being called King Donald, and even insisted on whipped cream on his... well, let's just say his "tangerine oranges."
When asked for comment, Trump denied ever being to California, tasting Johnny Walker Red, or having any allergic reactions to whipped cream, as it would turn his "oranges" even more orange than they already are.
