Kenosha, Alaska - An out of control snow blower went … well, out of control yesterday, killing 15, leaving a blood bath in its wake.
Mr. Ely Snowdog said, “I was watching for more balloons in the sky, but the wife told me to git my ass outside and clear the snow outa the driveway. So I revved up my brand spanking new MAGA snowblower – and wham! It shot off like a duck in my gun sites – my glove got caught so I was flying behind it as it careened off buildings and snow drifts – it had a full tank of gas so it wouldn’t be slowing down any time soon …
“ … well, the Fisher boy got in the way – I said, Look out Billy – but goddamn if Billy was just smiling and waving saying ‘Hi Mr Snowball’ – he don’t know my name, kinda slow – and then the blower ran him right over! Sprayed blood and pieces of Billy all over the pristine white snow! Now who’s gonna clean that up? We have a close-knit community here and like to keep it clean – but then the snow blower made a hard left and headed right for Sarah Palin’s house – I said look out Sar – but she couldn’t get her gun out fast enough to shoot it – tough while wearing thick gloves – and like that shark in Jaws, it ate her from the legs up and she was screaming ‘It’s Antifa! It’s Antifa!’ and the blower shot her earrings and eyelashes and all that pancake make-up all over the town – now who’s gonna clean that up?”
After 13 more kills to its credit, the evil snow blower was shot by a deputy, but immediately Republicans in Alaska wanted the deputy fired for violating the snow blower’s right to keep and bear its blades and having the right to self-defense.
To this day, no one has cleaned up the town, saying it wasn’t their problem in the first place and Joe Biden should’ve done something about it before it happened.
It’s COLD in Alaska … brain freeze …
PS: I wrote this after watching the late, late show, then falling asleep and having disturbing dreams. This may actually be the plot of a movie based on a Stephen King short story.
