Due to the planet over-heating like a camel’s ass in Dubai, snow is melting so well every year, that scientist think pretty soon there will be no more snow anywhere on Earth.
And that’s good news for summer sports! Could you imagine skateboarding or cycling down the Alps or Kilimanjaro or the Big Daddy himself, Mount Everest?
Yes, that’s right, pretty soon climbers in Nepal won’t have to worry about dying from anything related to cold, since there won’t be any! How about a nice relaxing hike up Everest, having a spot of tea and cucumber sandwiches at the top, then down to the bottom for some sushi and McDonalds and Nepalese barbecue!
Did the world just get yummier?
As long as human beings can make the world an even more livable place for themselves, then fuck the natural environment. The Kardashians know what I’m saying!
Sure, polar bears and penguins might complain … from the bottom of the sea! Ha Ha, suckers!
Who will be the first person to swim across an entire ocean? The Arctic Ocean is small, so there’s a good chance that someone will be up to the challenge in a few decades when all those pesky blocks of ice and icebergs and Russian nuclear submarines stop hanging out where few dare to go.
Or how about catching a tasty wave and surfing it from Canada to Russia – right into their gulag! Oh no, the Russian gulags won’t be as scary as they used to be. I’m sure Putin will change that in a hurry.
And what exactly is under the ice of Antarctica? Fossils of mutant dinosaurs? UFOs? Portals into another dimension or into the planet’s interior where reptile people live and control the affairs of homo sapiens?
Let’s hope so! ‘Cuz the we can turn the center of the Earth into a spa and resort – as long as we kill all the Morlocks and CHUDs and whatever other species writers and other crazy people have thought were down under.
Trump and other billionaires have already obtained permits to build casinos and golf courses and floating cities in the Arctic and Antarctic. As soon as the last ice cube melts, it’s time to dig and dump and take a royal shit on nature – what Mankind does best!
So to all you snow lovers out there, enjoy your ski trips, your tobogganing with the kids, your ice cream sundaes, your snowshoes, your polar bear dips on New Year’s Day … your kind is not wanted on the future Hot Earth (Hot ‘N Sexy, I mean!).
And for those who love sun-bathing … girl, are you ready for some serious melanoma? ‘Cuz the Earth is bringing the sun closer every year, and we’re all gonna burn, baby!
