WASHINGTON, D.C., Nov. 21 — In a joke-filled pre-Thanksgiving ceremony at the White House this morning, President Biden continued a much-beloved American tradition and forgot to pardon approximately 45,999,998 turkeys.
While Forbes estimates that 46 million turkeys will be consumed this Thanksgiving, Chocolate and Chip, two turkeys who had the good fortune to be randomly pardoned, will spend the rest of their lives on the campus of North Carolina State Univ., and, unlike the identical remaining 45,999,998 turkeys, will not be confined, selectively bred, artificially inseminated, overfed, debeaked, electrocuted, disemboweled and dismembered because people particularly desire to eat their corpses in abundance on a specific day of the year. The pardoned turkeys were unable to comment due to the pressure of their genetically-enhanced breasts on their lungs; they were last seen trying unsuccessfully to hold themselves upright.
This is the 34th year in row in which a president has pardoned two randomly chosen turkeys for the non-crime of being turkeys but forgot to pardon approximately 45,999,998 other turkeys for the same non-crime.
