Aaron Rodgers insists Fauci join other receivers in deal with Denver Broncos

Funny story written by joseph k winter

Sunday, 30 January 2022

image for Aaron Rodgers insists Fauci join other receivers in deal with Denver Broncos
Mr. Fauci training Aaron Rodgers on the greasy underhanded shovel pass maneuver

With rumors of QB Aaron Rodgers leaving the Green Bay Packers, Mr. Fauci has once again made an appearance.

Aaron Rodgers is insisting that he will not go to another team, such as the Denver Broncos, without trusted receivers at his side.

These include Davante Adams and Marquez Valdez-Scantling, at 30 million each for one season.

Rodgers himself will pull down 40 million.

Today we learn that another trusted receiver, crucial to any deal, is Mr. Fauci.

His price, however, is somewhat lower, at half a million a season, just above his current salary as chief health advisor for the US.

"This is not about health," Mr. Rodgers has said. "It's football."

But why would the star QB consider Mr. Fauci, going on 80 and 105 pounds, as one of his star receivers and vital to success?

Especially given a fractious relationship, with Rodgers' refusing vaccination and Fauci gung-ho to mandate vaccination and boosters at six month intervals over the next ten years?

A Rodgers' spokesperson:

"It all comes down to the Fauci underhanded shovel pass, which he passed along to Rodgers recently. By the way, it's now also known on the team as the greasy underhanded shovel pass."

"Our QB then discovered other qualities in Fauci. These include the man's incredible speed and ability to be slippery, with evasive maneuvers and deception."

"He can carry the ball backwards toward his own goal line at top speed, then reverse and dodge his way like lightening back the other way."

"Totally invaluable at fourth and inches. Slithers through cracks between the legs and apertures at the elbow."

"With these slippery abilities he is known on the team as Antony Cojones, with all due respect for Patrick Mahomes of the Chiefs."

Mr. Fauci's spokesperson:

"All this is infinitely below the dignity of Mr. Fauci, top man in the US on how to present the dangers of the pandemic and keep it going."

"Football may end at some point, but the pandemic will not."

"Mr. Fauci does enjoy football, especially in his back yard with neighborhood kids his own size. But he is very annoyed with Mr. Rodgers and his insistence on making his own decisions for his own body."

"There is no chance Mr. Fauci will accept this absurd offer to join Aaron Rodgers with the Denver Broncos or anywhere else."

"Especially not at half a million. Now, at 30 million, as with Davante Adams and Marquez Valdez-Scantling, he might reconsider."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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