WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) – Senate minority leader Mitch “The Moscow Bitch” McConnell was recently asked about the widespread rumor that he owns an official KKK hood and robe.
McConnell almost choked on the slice of Pizza Hut pepperoni pizza that he was eating.
As he stopped quickly in the Senate hallway, three of the pepperoni’s fell off his pan size pizza.
He told the reporter for Scandal Today, Cheyenne Patio, that it was nothing more than a blatant rumor that had started in El Segundo, California, and in the span of 72 hours, had traveled clear across the entire nation, to the banks of the Potomac River.
Mr. Ling Ling, as Nancy Pelosi calls him, then noted that it could possibly be true that back during the racially tense 60s, he may have owned a KKK hood and robe or two, but memory escapes him.
Meanwhile, White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki has hinted that there are at least 16 photos of Mitch in full Klansmen regalia marching in a parade down in Selma, Alabama during the racially-charged 1960’s, that lie stashed away in a White House kitchen closet.