WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) – The Alpha Beta News Agency has just confirmed that Senator Mitch “Turtle Face” McConnell has just filed a lawsuit against the makers of the penis hardening, Viagra-like pill, Up, Up, and Away.
The lawsuit claims that the product, which guarantees a woody within 8 minutes of taking the royal blue pill simply did not work.
McConnell is alleging that he and his wife Ling Ling, waited for 2 hours and 35 minutes after taking the pill and his noodle was still as soft and as limp as, well a wet noodle.
Ling Ling reportedly became extremely frustrated and had to actually resort to the old-fashion fingeroni method of self-gratification.
Meanwhile, Mitch “The Moscow Bitch” has filed a $45,000 lawsuit claiming among other things, Noerectionitis, Limp Dickatosis, and Erectile Nada.
SIDENOTE: Donald Trump, alias, “The Pussy Grabber,” has suggested that Mitch put some Miracle Grow on his peckerino.
