NEWARK, New Jersey – (Satire News) – The ex-governor of New Jersey has just announced, before a crowd of 9,000 cheering supporters, at a Walmart parking lot, that he has decided to enter the race to be the Republican presidential candidate for 2024.
Chris Christie, who says he’s lost 102 pounds on the “Drinking Gallons of Water Diet,” says that there is just no way that he could even remotely allow “Trash Face” Trump to run again and get his orange ass kicked all over creation again.
Christie added that GOP die-hards like Mitch McConnell, Ann Coulter, and Scott Baio have literally begged him to run so that “Pee-Brain” Trump realizes that 91% of his basers want no part of the Nazi-loving tax evader.
The rotund former governor of the Garden State says that he has so far received over $5.7 million in campaign donations from such organizations as “Anyone But Trump,” “Trump Sux The Big One,” and “Eat Shit Little Hitler.”
Meanwhile Trump says that when he wins in 2024, the first thing he is going to do is to exile Chris Christie to the coldest part of Norway.