KISSIMMEE, Florida – (Satire News) – The Miami Globe-Gazette is reporting that Donald Trump was on the 13th hole at The General Robert E. Lee Golf Course in Kissimmee, Florida, when he, for no apparent reason, stumbled and landed on his face.
Members of his foursome, which included Matt Gaetz, Mitch McConnell, and Scott Baio rushed to his aid, but had one hell-of-a-time trying to turn him over due to the fact that the “Divider-in-Chief” has now ballooned up to 317 pounds.
A groundskeeper was overheard saying that Trumptard looked like a humongous orange beached whale.
He added that Scott Baio was crying because he, Matt, and Mitch couldn’t even budge the SOB.
Finally, a fork lift operator was summoned and after about 6 minutes, he was finally able to load the racist onto a dump truck and rushed to a nearby 24-hour Dixieland Emergency Clinic.
An emergency clinic doctor said that Trump received a bad cut to his tongue that required 69 stiches. He added that DJT will have to wear a tongue cast and will not be able to talk for at least 14 days.
SIDENOTE: Upon hearing the news, Nancy Pelosi commented, “Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah!”