BILLINGSGATE POST: Las Vegas Raiders owner Mark Davis announced today that Hunter Biden will take over the head coaching duties, replacing Jon Gruden who was let go two weeks ago for insensitive homophobic and misogynistic remarks he made 10 years ago that surfaced just recently.
Under interim coach Rich Bisaccia, the Raiders were undefeated, beating the Philadelphia Eagles today, 33 - 22 at Allegiant Stadium after defeating the Denver Broncos last week.
After the game, Davis said that he was disappointed in the score, saying that the Over/Under on the game was 48 and that the last Raider touchdown cost him a million bucks. That proved to be enough for Davis to lose faith in his interim coach. Pictures of him going nose to nose with Coach Bisaccia as the team celebrated their second win since Jon Gruden got the boot made even Terry Bradshaw laugh.
Davis: “I have had my eye on Hunter Biden ever since I saw pictures of him juggling two hookers on his lap while smoking a joint. I need a man who can multi-task. And Las Vegas will love him.”
“He has been successful in all of his ventures. He put together gas deals in the Ukraine even though he had no experience in that field. Same with China.”
“The guy is versatile. Last year he took up painting. Now they’re selling like hot cakes for millions. The guy can f*cking do anything he puts his mind to. Besides, he’s got some connections in Washington that might prove handy.”
Dr. Slim: “I was wondering where Hunter would show up. The guy has more moves than Lamont Cranston.”
Dirty: “Yo, Dr. Dude. Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men? The Shadow knows!”