WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) – Word filtering out of the White House is that after receiving a private report from a private report reporting firm, President Biden will be signing a Presidential Executive Order condemning Trump’s Florida home – Mar-a-Lago.
The report which according to Boom Boom News was conducted by Amalgamated Reports Unlimited out of Kalamazoo, Michigan, stated that Mar-a-Lago has the worst spider infestation ever recorded in the state of Florida.
The official report further notes that the spiders, (which number close to 2 million), and can survive on beach moss and Captain Crunch Cereal, originally came from Ecuador during the Ecuadorian Insect Scandal of 2012.
The report also goes on to report that if adults over the age of 40 are bitten by these pesky demon-like bitches, they could develop a rash in their pubic region that will itch like a mother-effer.
In a Related Story. Donald Trump has said that he needs to raise $40.3 million by September 9, in order to maintain the living style to which Melania is accustomed.