Stop The Squeal!

Funny story written by rfreed

Saturday, 26 June 2021

image for Stop The Squeal!

A new 'Stop The Squeal' movement has started up.

This document is being circulated to put an end to the endless squealing of certain groups of an extreme right wing flavor that insist that the 2020 was stolen. It is now time to end this right-winged fit of whining.

The election was lost, fair and square by all accounts except for a handful of individuals who also believe that Elvis is still alive and that the moon is made of green cheese. Add to that the even more extreme people (if they are still within the definition of being 'people', that is) who fervently complain that the Jews were never persecuted in WWII or that the moon landings never took place or that the Mets never really won the 1969 World Series.

They endless braying about Donald Jerk Trump being the true winner are getting as tedious as Amelia Earhart sighting in the South Pacific. HE LOST!!!!! GET OVER IT!! If you insist on going on with this charade you could say by the same logic that Trump stole the election away from Hillary who had the majority of the popular vote. Yes, it is the same thing! Except that she was gracious enough to concede. Trump doesn't even know what being gracious is; although he would probably forthrightly say that he is the most gracious person who ever lived. The Electoral College gave Trump the Presidency. There was a lot of complaints about this rising from the left, but, as you can see, Trump still got the throne. The Democrats bemoaned it, but they leg go eventually and did not resort to other tactics like having temper tantrums, starting profitable Stop The Steal fund-drives, complaining unendingly about the unfairness of it and making a martyr of the last man on earth one should consider a poor sacrificial thing to an evil force when he himself is an evil force.

We here at Stop The Squeal are dedicated to putting an end to the ceaseless lunacy surrounding the end result of the 2020 elections once and for all. We have a number of solutions to that end. One would be fitting anti-masker Marjorie Taylor Greene with a full face iron mask that would be welded on the same way as happened to the prisoner in the Alexandre Dumas novel The Man in The Iron Mask. Then there would be the hosing down of any Stop The Steal rallies with ice cold water that might shock the recipients back into some form of sanity. Another would be banning Herr Trump to his Mar-A-Lago mansion without any Internet privileges.

Other options include secretly attaching a hidden micro camera onto the clothes or body of fanatic 'stealers' that would relay to the world just how pathetic and minimal their every day lives were when they are not in the public eye. By the same means mini sensors that can detect erratic brain waves from the individual could be tied into a network system to let viewers monitor just when they are having one of their psychotic episodes.

If these methods prove unsuccessful, more extreme methods might have to be employed. We have already been in contact with a Jewish space laser firm about possible annihilations.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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