Biden Cites “Row vs Wade” - Orders Blockade Of All Afghanistan Seaports

Funny story written by Dr. Billingsgate

Wednesday, 2 June 2021

image for Biden Cites “Row vs Wade” - Orders Blockade Of All Afghanistan Seaports
Row vs Wade

BILLINGSGATE POST: To placate conservative members of Congress regarding his order to have all of our troops out of Afghanistan by July 1st, President Biden announced today, “That under the authority granted to him under the ‘Row vs Wade Amendment’ we would continue our Navy presence off the shores of Afghanistan.”

Biden reading from his Teleprompter: “Even though we will not have one swinging dick, or the female equivalent thereof, inside the borders of Afghanistan after July 1, we will continue to monitor all sea traffic and interdict any attempt by Iran to use the country’s waterways to ship weapons to the Taliban. If necessary, we will blockade all Afghanistan seaports.”

The United States, along with NATO forces, have occupied Afghanistan since 2001. Like the Soviet Union, they failed to implement a sympathetic regime in this primitive country. The Soviet withdrawal was completed February 15, 1989, signaling a complete default in their goal of bringing this country into their sphere after nearly ten years of occupation.

Biden: “However, unlike the Soviet Union, we will not fail to fulfill our responsibility to the Afghan people. Under my direction, we will continue our Navy presence in the area. As Commander-in-Chief of the greatest military the World has ever known, I have ordered the Secretary of Defense to continue our Naval presence off the shores of Afghanistan until we bring the Taliban to its knees.”

Dr. Slim: “I thought that Afghanistan was landlocked.”

Dirty: “Yo, Dr. Dude. Have you ever seen a submarine climb a mountain?”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more