CDC updates COVID-19 guidelines for glory holes

Funny story written by Dr. Strangelove

Tuesday, 18 May 2021

image for CDC updates COVID-19 guidelines for glory holes
Biden supports this cherished American pastime.

The United States Centers for Disease Control and Prevention announced today new COVID-19 guidelines for managers, employees and patrons of glory holes.

The new measures permit fully-vaccinated patrons to go maskless at a glory hole, and also specify the minimum distance between holes and the maximum occupancy per wall.

Des Williams, a self-proclaimed Glory Hole industry analyst, said Monday on CNBC's Mad Money: "the industry went limp during the pandemic, and these new measures will release the Kraken in the glory hole community."

US President Joe Biden also announced Monday he "hasn't forgotten about this cherished American pastime" and said he would be meeting with a bipartisan committee to provide stimulus to those in greatest need.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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