At 9:23 PM last night Elizabeth Township Police were called to The Mills at Jersey Gardens Mall responding to reports of a small angry man wearing clown makeup “spitting on people and common surfaces” indiscriminately.
Police apprehended the man and took him into custody. Although the man identified himself to arresting officers, they refused to believe him as the man had no ID with him at the time. However he was verified as Dr. Fauci back at the station.
The arrest report describes Fauci as spitting on a total of five adults, three children and two large food court tables. It also mentions several witnesses seeing Fauci licking several railings and elevator buttons.
One of the arresting who wanted his name withheld told us, “Maybe he (Fauci) isn’t handling the lifting of the COVID-19 restrictions very well”.
A spokesperson for the CDC who was called for comment cautioned “there are various methods we use for research and testing that are beyond the understanding of common lay persons.
Dr. Fauci refused comment. He'll be held overnight for observation.