Social scientists recommend we adopt new conventions for greeting & parting

Funny story written by Earthvessel

Tuesday, 25 May 2021

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Experts suggest new way to greet and part

Every cloud, they say, has a silver lining. That nasty COVID cloud that just past was no exception. After observing some of our modified behaviors during the pandemic, experts now say we'd do well to keep certain items that were brought about by the virus.

Professor John Nerdelbaum Frink of the Springfield Institute explains, "we need to do whatever we can to put each other at ease going forward. Therefore, we ought to assure others that we're not a threat to them. The best way to do that is to declare: I'm safe!' instead of saying 'Hello'"

Frink quickly qualified the recommendation by adding one must be virus free and vaccinated in order to use the "I'm safe!" greeting.

"If you're saying 'I'm safe' and you're speaking nasty bacteria, well that shoots the whole damn thing to hell doesn't it? he asked rhetorically.

Frank insists that is not too much to ask of people, and for good measure he suggests we work the theme into the end of the encounter by saying "Be safe!'

Frink warns "we're not going to make a wholesale change overnight, but if we put our minds to it, we can at least begin to cause the shift."

So, no pressure folks! Just do your best safe!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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