Since the pandemic began, commuters from the sleepy village of Chaffinch St Cock have had to wear hazmat suits to travel on the bus to the local business park in Bishop’s Prepuce. Yet no longer.
Thanks to the easing of COVID restrictions, travellers may now go nude on public transport, as they used to do before the global crisis.
“It’s nice to feel me scrotum against the rough faux-fur seats again,” said local businessman Geoff Buy. “Those spacesuits were unnatural.”
Others are not so sure about the changes. “If ye ask me,” said bus driver Zebedee Khrushchev, “They’ve eased the restrictions too soon. Who knows what sort of bacteria people will be farting and pissing into the bus seats now. In some ways it was better with everyone covered up.”
Local councillor Wyatt van Mann explained the phenomenon. “I know most people outside the area don’t understand why we like to go nude on the buses. It’s a kind of tradition. When the first bus came to Chaffinch St Cock in 1983, people thought it would drive away with their soul. So we sat in it naked to make sure we could keep an eye on our souls at all times.”
He added, “Now come on, love, take that off. It’s traditional.”