Finally! A Male Member-Friendly Popcorn Box!

Funny story written by Earthvessel

Sunday, 9 May 2021

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Rise and shine boys! It's the WADAWAY21™!!

Late yesterday, the Weifang Packada Eco-friendly Technology Corporation announced it has completed field-testing for a “penis-friendly” popcorn container.

The container, designated as the WADAWAY21™ has undergone trials in 14 markets around the world and the early returns have brought about solid, even eye-popping results!

A "soft" launch is planned for early June.

The WADAWAY21™ is designed with a penis-friendly EasyPass Spout™ on the bottom. The spout is made with a highly pliable soft rubber that fits snugly around the inserted penis to prevent leakage.

There have been concerns that the containers might leak when smaller members are involved but Weifang assures that trials using smaller penis sizes have resulted in minimal leakage.

When pressed about those results, the company spokesman Wei Dong explained “As long as [the] man [is at least] partway excited, package [will] work just fine” Wei Dong is the Chief Marketing Officer at Weifang Packada. He also added “But they must carefully follow instructions to remove member from container…” referring to a three-step procedure required when the user decides to remove his penis from the container.

Dong also remarked that Weifang product designers had assumed theater-goers will not be dressed formally and any incidental spills should not cause significant damage.

Dong also revealed to us that design plans are in the works for a urination package that they hope to test by autumn 2021.

Once it’s made available the EasyPass Spout is expected help revive the cinema business and get audiences back in movie theaters. Industry experts predict it will transform the theater experience for male audience members.

One expert we spoke with, Chet Gismac, predicted that with the WADAWAY product launch, studios will be angling to bring back the romantic comedy genre, (AKA chick-flicks) a genre that went out of fashion during the past decade.

From our rumor mills, we are hearing that the R&D and product development that resulted in the WADAWAY offering was largely funded by AMC Theaters, Regal Entertainment Corp. and a private concern representing actors Hugh Grant and Kevin Costner. Corporate spokespeople at Weifang Packada declined comment on funding sources.

Asked about product distribution Dong was unclear, saying only that the WADAWAY will be offered to theaters and also will be available for the general public through sellers like Amazon, Alibaba and a variety of specialty outlets.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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