Biden appoints Gates Head of FARTA and air quality passports

Funny story written by joseph k winter

Monday, 29 March 2021

image for Biden appoints Gates Head of FARTA and air quality passports
Real food may soon be replaced with pills as further controls are explored

Following the appointment of Ms. Harris to the border problem, President Biden has turned to another ally to help him run the country.

Mr. Gates of Microsoft is now in command of human air quality in the US through the agency FARTA (Foreign Air Response Tolerance Authority).

According to Mr. Gates, analysis via Microsoft algorithms indicates an FER (flatulence emission rate) of 7 per 24-hour period is the permissible threshold.

This rate will get a green good-to-go signal on a person's mobile phone.

Higher rates lead to orange and red flashing lights (which can get a person ejected from a supermarket, if standing in a check-out lane).

The technology here has been developed by Mr. Gates and other Silicon Valley Experts in terms of a phone app, which is lightly pressed to one's body part somewhere.

The essential problem of EHF (excessive human flatulence) can be controlled via synthetic foods.

Synthetic foods imitate real foods as with char-broiled cardboard steaks, properly consumed with protein and vitamin supplements.

The problem is not simply methane from cows, in terms of global-warming influence, at a rate of ten times NHE (normal human emissions).

NHE have been rising, especially in times of stress from roaming covid, mutants, lockdown, unemployment, homelessness, and steadily increasing VAERS reports.

(VAERS means vaccine adverse events reporting system as with the CDC's latest figures from March 19 at 44,606 adverse events and 2,050 deaths.)

(A FAERS--farting adverse events reporting system--is reported under study at this time.)

But the global-warming problem makes covid look simple by comparison, according to Mr. Gates.

Gaseous tendencies in the atmosphere may even include talking itself, some experts say, which could lead to further regulations in the near-future.

At this time, the FER app and development of air quality passports are key to current developments.

Those on the flashing orange and red indicator via the app will be drawn aside and ejected from the premises as quickly as possible.

Rising employment in the security guard industry is promising.

Appointment of Mr. Gates to FARTA is considered favorable, especially due to his new goal to cut wind factors at Microsoft Corporation by 20% this year.

Meanwhile, a new movement, FTF (Freedom To Fart) is responding to these developments.

Gnats and butterflies also have the problem, they say. The question is when is the tipping point in each case.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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