Studies of neanderthal thinking indicate problems of “fear palsy” and loose bowels

Funny story written by joseph k winter

Thursday, 4 March 2021

image for Studies of neanderthal thinking indicate problems of “fear palsy” and loose bowels
Y'all? Our dung is also being preserved and studied for future generations to understand the pandemic

President Biden's response to news that Texas and Mississippi will open their states to normal, with no mask mandates, has run into a problem.

Biden stated that re-opening at this time is “neanderthal thinking”, plus that it's “critical, critical, critical” to follow the science.

On whether decisions by the governors of Texas and Mississippi are in effect a throwback to primitive, non-scientific thinking, as the President implied, is under consideration.

The question of just who is being primitive is currently raging on Twitter.

Particularly important is that other states, such as Florida, Missouri, and Arizona, could follow suit. South Dakota has, in effect, been open throughout the past year.

If states are opening, as predicted recently because of the precipitous drop in cases and deaths, a problem exists with vaccine marketing.

Vaccines currently sell at approximately thirty dollars, and higher, a shot, leaving the possibility these products could remain on the shelf if the fear-factor is not maintained.

“Fear-marketing is in peril at this time,” one anonymous Wall Street analyst has stated. “Hence the pressure on Biden.”

Additionally, neanderthal experts have stepped forward with cautionary views.

Perhaps the analogy is not correct, they say, having spent years in studying dinosaur dung in various locales, including the Washington D.C. area.

Some dinosaur dung experts maintain the President's imagery may be more appropriate to Democratic response overall during the past year.

A dinosaur could weigh as much as eighty tons, leading to sizable deposits of dung, which have been available for study to reveal their cerebral tendencies.

Experts say that dinosaurs had a habit of over-worrying and spreading exaggerated notions throughout a herd.

Along with trembling kneecaps (a “fear palsy” nearly paralyzing the animal), the usual amount of dung could be doubled (and loosened) given “over-reactions and hysterical responses,” according to these experts.

Hence something kindred to last year's run on toilet paper could occur in a dinosaur group, although it is not yet known whether they used anything similar.

The fluidity in their response could also be magnified within “dinosaur communities” when leadership devolved to the more aged and feeble of the species, who might also be subject to “political influence” within that community.

Looseness, incoherence, excessive wearing of masks might well have been characteristics of herd alarmism.

Whether elites within a community of ancient beasts could profit from excessive amounts of fear-induced bowel movements is currently the subject of Phd studies at Harvard University.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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