Desperate to appeal to a wider audience, to revamp their image, and stem the flood of resignations from the party, Republicans are radically changing their status in the capitol, and all representatives and senators of the GOP have come out as nonbinary. As of today, they wish to be termed 'they' and 'them', which, of course, makes little difference to Pelosi and co., since they always saw it as 'us and them' anyhow. It does, however, make it more difficult for people wishing to storm the capitol. Cries of "Where are they?" will then have little meaning.
Instead of the macho approach, yoga sessions have been initiated in coffee breaks at the building, where only Republicans may attend. In fact, Ted Cruz and his side-kick Lindsey Graham offer the 'One Taste' method of 'Oming', or orgasmic meditation, where female senators remove their clothes from their hips downwards and relax on cushions. Their coochies are then gently massaged by other senators until they reach, well, orgasm. This refreshes them for the upcoming session.
"It's a win-win situation," explained Cruz, while 'caressing' Deb Fischer of Nebraska to his left, before turning his thumb and palm to the needs of Wyoming senator, Cynthia Lummis. "You get to appreciate your colleagues from a whole different angle."
"Whoa, you gotta be careful these days," sighed a shocked Mitch McConnell, "but you have to go with the flow. I don't participate in this 'stroking' thing, bit rusty on that front, but I'm not gonna argue with pronouns, and nonbinary sure sounds better than genderqueer. I only hope they, or the other ones, don't confuse us, or them, with those...or them...or her...or whatever...hell, I'm gonna have to practice this with my wife. Far as I know, she's still binary."
There's now been a massive influx of members to the party, helped by the promise of such orgasmic meditation being conducted prior to each GOP rally.