Jake Tapper Interviews Dog With Two Assholes

Funny story written by Dr. Billingsgate

Wednesday, 2 December 2020

image for Jake Tapper Interviews Dog With Two Assholes
Lift my tail

BILLINGSGATE POST: In an interview scheduled to be aired on Thursday, CNN’s Jake Tapper scores the first known interview of a dog with two assholes.

The wily Tapper insisted that Joe Biden, along with his sidekick, Kamala “Breath” Harris, bring one of his dogs to the interview.

"Sleepy Joe, you know how Americans love dogs and automatically trust people when they have a dog in tow? Remember when Richard Nixon used his dog, Checkers, to rebuild his image? Hey, why don't you and Kamala come on my show and bring your dog with you.”

And so off to the interview the three of them went. With Joe’s dog on a leash, he and Kamala pulled up to CNN Headquarters in their stretch limo. As they were about to enter, the incredulous doorman took a step back and asked:

"Hey! Aren't you Sleepy Joe Biden and Kamala Harris? WTF are you numbnuts doing here?”

As they were waiting in the Ready Room before their interview with Tapper, a stagehand walked over to the dog, lifted up his tail, looked underneath, shrugged his shoulders, and walked out without saying a word. A few minutes later, in came a make-up artist. She glanced at both Sleepy Joe and Kamala and politely nodded.

She then walked over to the dog, lifted up his tail, looked underneath, scratched her head, and left the room. For the next ten minutes or so, another dozen of the crew came in and lifted the dogs tail, checked underneath, and left shaking their heads.

Finally, the incredulous Biden asked one of them, "Why did all of you guys come in and check under my dog’s tail? Is something wrong with him?”

"Hell, no," he responded. “Someone's out there running around the building claiming there's a dog in the CNN Newsroom with two assholes.”

Slim: “Stop the presses! Can this story be confirmed?”

Dirty: “Yo, Dude. Who gives a shit? It’s close enough.”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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