WASHINGTON, D.C. - (Satire News) - A White House insider says that the President hates that everyone knows he's the biggest loser since Sheriff Joe "Pinky" Arapio.
Trump cannot stand that he could not cheat his way onto a second term, although he gave it one hell of a try. But as they say in Holland, cheaters may win once, but, after that, everyone's got their number; and Don The Con's number was "0".
According to Eric "Sneezy" Trump, Melania's husband, as he is now officially known, has been spending at least five hours a day down in his Presidential Bunker, which is equipped with lots of Diet Coke, Big Mac burgers, French Fries, and Hostess Twinkies.
The iNews Agency stated that the soon-to-be ex-president is thinking about invading either Iran, Iraq, or Iceland, so that his base will have something to cheer about.
Melania allegedly told Donaldo to stop acting like a damn, spoiled brat punk, and come to grips with the fact that the American people simply got fed up with his 20,000-plus lies.
DJT said that he's going to take an English class at Trump University, so that he can jump on the bandwagon and write a tell-all-book about himself.
He said that he'll reveal the real truth about how he learned from a highly reliable source - Scott Baio - that at least 14 million people living in Scotland illegally voted for Joe Biden.