BILLINGSGATE POST: Fly Face, who has successfully predicted the outcome of every election since Patrice Émery Lumumba was elected as the first Prime Minister of the independent Democratic Republic of the Congo in 1960, now predicts that Donald Trump will beat Sleepy Joe Biden by a margin of a “gnats ass” this coming Tuesday.
As a footnote to history, Lumumba’s victory was short-lived. He disappeared three months into his office, and was later found in the stomach X-RAY’s of his political rival, Joseph Kasa-Vubu. This was long before cannibalism became a mainstay in American politics.
Fly Face’s real name is Felixweather Limpp, a renegade independent pollster. A slightly overweight 42-year-old man with a shock of white hair and a grimaced expression on his face, he dresses slovenly, with flies constantly buzzing about his face, which they use for an ersatz landing strip.
Joe Biden, who, himself, has a problem with body odor and terminal halitosis, calls Fly Face the “most disgusting man I have ever met.” Yet, when asked to compare him to his former boss, Barack Obama, Biden hesitated momentarily behind his mask, his eyes darting like two pin balls, then demurring: “That’s like comparing apples to oranges.”
Although respected by his peers, he hated it when they called him Fly Face. He was, after all, a very sensitive man, polite to a fault. When ending an interview, he would request:
“Would you, please, not call me Fly Face.”
Slim: “Other than his problem with flies, he has impeccable credentials.”
Dirty: “Yo, Dude. But he will never be respected by those who practice hygiene.”