OIL SLICK, Pennsylvania – (Satire News) – President Trump held a campaign rally in Oil Slick, Pennsylvania, home of the largest Preparation H factory in the nation.
POTUS told the mask-less crowd that, when elected, he is going to build a private golf course in Pittsburgh, that will only allow rich Republicans to join.
American Spotlight Magazine reported that Trump told the crowd that he wants to court the poor vote. He commented that he promises that any poor man or woman who votes for him will receive $35 cash.
The crowd cheered as if they had just seen the first lady totally naked.
After the rally, Cutter Shiloh, with ASM, asked Trump how he planned to pay millions of people the $35. He said that the money would come out of two national funds.
He revealed that half of the money would come from the Food Stamp Program, and the other half would come from the Elderly Wives of Vietnam War Veterans Fund.