Biden administration forecasts long dark winter “everything in sight locked down”

Funny story written by joseph k winter

Tuesday, 27 October 2020

image for Biden administration forecasts long dark winter “everything in sight locked down”
Residents in some towns say they are not quite ready for the next "shelter in place"

It is no secret that with millions of ballots already cast, Mr. Biden is ahead in the upcoming November 3 presidential election.

Accordingly, he has offered a far-ranging look into coming days with himself at the helm of the United States.

Transcript of interview:

“But, sir, there are studies out now that say this Covid-19 disease is not nearly as serious as we thought it was.”

“Utter nonsense! Why do you think I'm wearing these masks as I speak to you, and please step back. You're over the six feet distancing line—or is it six metres, I'm not sure.”

“Yes, sir. But, by now, numerous doctors and scientists have come forward on the illness as overblown into politics, not science. The death rates--”

“You're talking about death rates. Do you know how many Americans have died, on average, every day?”

“However, sir, a lot of those deaths have been confused in terms of with versus of or from, so we don't have an accurate count. It's very confusing. Now in Florida an investigation is starting up--”

“Let me tell you how you can figure out if you have this thing.”

“Very well, sir.”

“Any two of these: sniffle, cough, headache, yawning all the time, nasty bowel movement—you've got it.”

“But, sir, really--”

“Or one of these: a chill in the morning when you get out of bed. The common cold. A little fever. There, you see! Please, step back, you've moved forward again.”

“Yes, but locking down an entire country, the economy? Have you read the medical studies on masks as harmful? Studies on carbon dioxide build-up?”

“Better safe than sorry, I say, despite all these stupid skeptics versus the very wise and experienced Dr. Fauci.”

“But, sir, is there a conflict of interest anywhere here with people like Dr. Fauci connected to the pharmaceutical industries . . .?”

“And don't tell me there are old people passing out in the supermarkets because they have to wear these masks and can't breathe properly. If so, that's called collateral damage, I believe.”

“But, sir, the economy--”

“Can't you get it through your head? It's like when Germany invaded Europe, think of Covid-19 as the Nazis pouring into Poland and those places. Into Italy, I think.”

“I thought Germany was part of Europe.”

“Well, so did I, but, hell, look at what happened. What a travesty! Chamberlain--was that his name?--and those people letting it all happen. Well, tell you what! Not on my watch!”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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