CHICAGO – (Satire News) – The Chicago Daily Wind has received an envelope which contained a secret recording, that was made of First Lady Melania Trump uttering some sailor-like vulgarities.
The tape, which was provided by Wikileaks, had Melania remarking that she hates Christmas.
She can clearly be heard saying that she thinks that people only like it so that they can get free things, like pets, automatic weapons, lingerie, sex toys, and silly-looking food.
She says that she hates asparagus, because you can't cut the stringy son-of-a-bitch.
She then goes off on the evangelicals, who she says are hypocrites, because they say to love your neighbor, but they forget to add the part, "but only if they are white, rich, and look like you."
Melania also said that the few evangelicals that she has met have told her that they like her, even if she is an illegal alien from Slovenia.
On the tape, the First Lady can be heard saying in a Slovenian accent, “Dose Sunday ebenjellycul werechippers can keys my Slobeenian ass!”