NEWARK, New Jersey – (Satire News) – Reports are that former New Jersey governor Chris Christie is madder than a spider whose web-making gland isn’t working.
Christie, who spoke with the Vox Populi News Agency, admitted that, yes, he is extremely overweight, he has a slight limp, and sometimes he has trouble pronouncing his vowels properly, but he puts 100% of the blame for his having contracted the Coronavirus on Donald Trump.
The man who once ate 29 enchiladas in 12 minutes said that he blames the President, because even after knowing that he had tested positive, he went ahead and had that Rose Garden Pinata Party, which turned out to be one big, gigantic Republican "Coronavirus Spreader."
Christie said that the likes of Kellyanne Conway, Sen. Mike Lee, Notre Dame president John Jenkins, Sen. Tom Tillis, and White House cook Myrtle Fillakeen attended the "Spreader", and all now have the virus.
The ex-governor said that POTUS told him dozens of times to take the silly-looking mask off, because it made him look like that ugly witch, Roseanne Barr.
And Christie admits that he is just like so many of Trump’s staff members, family, friends, and supporters, who allow themselves to be intimidated and bullied like naïve sheep, by a crazed, madman, who is the biggest bully since Adolf Hitler.