President Trump's Corpse Could Be Flown To Saturn

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Monday, 5 October 2020

image for President Trump's Corpse Could Be Flown To Saturn
Could Saturn be trusted to keep Trump in its orbit for eternity?

After President Donald Trump tested positive for the Coronavirus, COVID-19 last week, it's been suggested that, if he should succumb to the virus, his remains might be flown to Saturn in a reinforced titanium cask, to prevent the dangerous chemicals inside from ever escaping.

Trump has repeatedly and consistently flouted the advised methods of protection from C-19, claiming it wasn't dangerous, and that it would "go away" of its own accord.

Now, however, at age 74, and looking at a significant period of illness under intense medical supervision, Trump's very existence hangs in the balance.

Timing could not have been worse. In the run-up to the November 3 presidential election, Republicans were counting on the President to 'get them over the line', but, with the prospect of at least two weeks in hospital, followed by a lengthy period of recuperation ahead of him, Trump is, effectively, 'out of the game'.

Opinion is divided on what should happen if he were not to survive. One expert said that, in the 'sad' event of his death from the virus, Trump's body should be burnt to a cinder, then crushed into powder and buried in concrete at a depth of at least 1,000 feet.

Another said that the corpse should not only be 'incinerated to dust', but should then be encased in reinforced titanium, and projected out of Earth's atmosphere, and into Saturn's rings, where it would remain in perpetual orbit for eternity.

Members of the public haven't been so finnicky. A man in New York said that Trump was not deserving of a free trip to Saturn, and suggested that he be laid uncovered in a shallow grave in Arlington Cemetery, so that people could visit it to piss on his face, or 'drop a brownie' in his mouth.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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