Biden-Harris to add dazzle to lackluster campaign

Funny story written by joseph k winter

Saturday, 19 September 2020

image for Biden-Harris to add dazzle to lackluster campaign
Democrats also considering a line of Biden beer steins (plus free beer) to enliven rallies

Political experts have suggested Democrats not only need to move “left,” there's an additional problem.

The Biden-Harris candidacy seriously lacks the dazzle and noise of Trump's rallies.

To some Democrats the Biden ticket is pallid and uninteresting, plus representative of “policing policies.”

This impression comes from Ms. Harris's background as “law enforcement,” in hand with the actions of certain lockdown Democratic governors, such as Gavin Newsom of California.

Right away, the Biden-Harris ticket has responded with a sparkling effort to renovate its image and jazz up presentations between now and November 3.

Mr. Biden has said he will spend more hours in his basement with tanning equipment to improve lackluster skin tone and the impression he's very old.

“But look at my teeth!” he said, smiling broadly to demonstrate his pearly whites.

Mr. Biden also suggested he may be contracting with Colgate toothpaste industries in which his image and teeth will be demonstrated on every forthcoming tube following his election.

Not least in this Biden image renovation, he has developed a new campaign slogan: “White teeth matter!”

Meanwhile, seeking to put a different spin on her reputation as “law enforcement,” Ms. Harris is considering bringing back earlier career moves.

As a youth she was interested in dancing, as with herself and Mr. Biden in the old-fashioned style of couple-dancing on Broadway.

Dressed in formal tuxedo and sweeping gown the couple would perform on a stage with Mr. Biden twirling Ms. Harris, both smiling broadly throughout.

This alternative to deadly serious political speech-making could very well lift their numbers approaching November 3.

It might also help allay the notion that the Democrats will make plenty of trouble with riots and whatnot if Mr. Trump claims to have won the election and refuses to leave The White House.

Interviewed by CNN on these developments, Ms. Harris was asked if her interests in dancing might include other types of dance, such as ballet and the high wire.

“That high wire performing and up and down, I don't know.” She paused. “But pole-dancing? Now, I'm sure I could get into that!”

CNN abruptly closed the interview then denied Ms. Harris had made such a suggestion, but others, including representatives of Mr. Trump, claim to have heard her say it.

Mr. Biden:

“Definitely! I love a good pole-dance myself!

“Likely it would bring us a lot of votes from youths and the athletic sector!”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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