WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) - President Trump was asked by a reporter with Fox News about Michael Cohen’s brand new book, which makes him look like the biggest racist predator and tax-evading liar in the entire world.
He responded by saying that Mikey is just mad because he did not pardon him, like he did 291 of his other cohorts.
POTUS then said that he hardly knows Cohen, and furthermore, he hasn’t spoken to him in over 47 months.
A reporter with CNN asked him about the rumor that he uses Preparation H on his face to make it look smaller and as pretty as his niece Mary Trump's face.
Trump became visibly upset, and yelled out that he did use Preparation H on his hair years ago, but his doctor warned him that repeated use could shrink his brain.
Meanwhile, Trump is denying that he pronounced the California state park Yosemite as [YO-SEMEN-8].