BILLINGSGATE POST: In order to placate fans who don’t like to see players take a knee during the playing of the National Anthem, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell issued a directive that will allow players the option of lying on their backs and having their bellies rubbed like a dog during the traditional pre-game ceremony.
Citing the loss of fans who take honoring our heritage seriously, Goodell took a page from renowned dog behavior expert, Cesar Millan, who rehabilitates all manner of troubled canines in his Dog Whisperer series.
Millan not only teaches dog new tricks, but also trains their owners how to achieve a balanced relationship with their pets.
Since many of the elite players, who make millions a year playing a game, still complain that they are being treated like dogs by their owners, the Commissioner issued the following statement:
“After consulting with the Dog Whisperer, I was assured that nothing makes dogs happier and contented than to have their bellies rubbed by their owners. Therefore, instead of players kneeling during the Anthem, they will have the option of lying on their backs and having their bellies rubbed by the owners.”
Slim: “Historic! No one should be offended by that.”
Dirty: “Yo, Dude. Let the games begin.”