HOUSTON – One of the greatest players to ever put on the Texans uniform has balked at wearing the new mandated C-19 Protective Helmet Face Shield.
J.J. Witt, who owns several Witt’s End Beer Bars, said that he hates the new helmets, because he is a compulsive spitter, and he just cannot be lifting his helmet every 18 seconds or so in order to spit.
He also added that he likes to eat cashews when he is out on the field, and again, a helmet with a face shield will make it virtually impossible to do so.
J.J. also pointed out that, when he gets to breathing heavy, he will fog up the helmet shield, and he is extremely allergic to fog, and could end up fainting in the middle of a play.
When told that, if he refuses to play, he will be forfeiting his $16 million per year salary, Number 99 simply winked, and replied, “Well hell, I guess I’ll just have to go on food stamps.”