WASHINGTON, D.C. - President Trump’s personal physician, Dr. Yang Fu Fi, has not wanted to put this out, but POTUS is suffering from several maladies that are starting to affect his mental and physical well-being.
Dr. Fu Fi, said that the President, a few weeks ago, was having to use two hands to drink a simple glass of water.
The man who is closer to Trump than his own wife, has admitted to Fox News that the President now has to use both hands and one of his feet to drink water.
He also revealed that the 45th president is now about 92% bald. Ivanka recently purchased a life-like toupee for him from Toupees-R-Us.
And now the First Lady has told Dr. Fu Fi, that the President wakes up in the middle of the night, and says that the ghost of the late racist Governor George Wallace of Alabama is trying to pull his toupee off.
Melania said that, three times just in the last week, she had to actually slap him in the face, because he was saying horrible things like he was going to bomb the hell out of Switzerland, Seattle, and Slovenia.
Mrs. Trump, even revealed that, just a few nights ago, he took out his member and started pretending that it was an AR-15 semi-automatic rifle, and he started shooting the bedroom curtains.
Melania said that it both scared the hell out of her, and embarrassed her, but not half as much as it scared and embarrassed Kayleigh McEnany, who was also in the room at the time.