The University of Kentucky To Remove The Statue of Mitch McConnell

Written by Fannin Fabriano

Monday, 29 June 2020

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Ten European countries have recently named Mitch McConnell the ugliest politician in the United States.

FRANKFORT, Kentucky – Senator Mitch McConnell has just been informed that his alma mater has voted to take down his his statue.

McConnell, who is worth $30 million, expressed disbelief, and asked on what grounds was the statue being removed.

The assistant vice-dean, Adelle Kissingberry, told him, in no uncertain terms, that the reason was due to his incessant lying, his bigotry, his racism, and the fact that the statue is so ugly, pigeons won’t even land on it.

McConnell, who is 78, but looks 89, said that he really isn’t all that ugly. Mrs. Kissingberry told him to go look in the mirror, and this time open his eyes.

The University of Kentucky student body will be destroying the statue by hitting it repeatedly with bowling balls until there is nothing left but the statue’s base.

McConnell’s wife offered to buy the statue so she could place it in the couple’s front yard.

She was told that it is in the best interest of the citizens of Kentucky to totally destroy the horrendously ugly-looking thing.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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