Mitch McConnell Voted The Ugliest Senator in the Senate

Written by Fannin Fabriano

Friday, 12 June 2020

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Ranchers in Oklahoma use a scarecrow likeness of "Moscow Mitch" to scare away vultures.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – A nationwide poll was recently conducted which dealt strictly on looks.

A total of 901,883 individuals were asked to rate each one of the United States senators as far as looks go. A 10 was for handsome and beautiful. And a 1 was for butt ugly and coyote ugly.

The winner, and by a tremendous margin was Kentucky senator and Galapagos turtle look-a-like Mitch “The Russian Bitch” McConnell.

In second place was Ted Cruz, who was described by some as looking like a tampon with salt and pepper hair.

When McConnell’s wife, Ling Ling found out she became as angry as an inch worm with athlete’s feet.

She immediately said, “Hey, my husband Mishy, he no be ugly looking man. My Mishy Pishy, he look a lil' bit like dat Georgy Clooney man.”

When Mitch was told of the results he pouted and said “Well, I don’t give a hoot poot. My Ling-Ling, she told me that she wouldn’t trade me for three plow oxen, 2,000 chop sticks, or 500 big bags of converted rice.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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