WASHINGTON, D.C. – The Secret Service is reporting that, overnight, vandals tossed a 12-foot tall statue of Adolf Hitler onto the White House lawn.
The statue was reportedly made of 65% plaster of Paris, 22% styrofoam, and 13% bullshit.
The magenta-colored statue, which weighed 93 pounds, and destroyed a flowerbed of marigolds, posies, and dandelions, was dusted for fingerprints.
D.C. police are now looking for the vandals, who have been identified as Mr. and Mrs. Vernon F. Gatorworth, owners of Gatorworth Prosthetic Peckers in Annapolis, Maryland.
Vern was reportedly wearing a pink “Lithuanian Lives Matter” shirt, and Mrs. Gatorworth was topless and wearing a two-sizes-too-small pair of Daisy Duke short shorts.
When the President was told about the Hitler statue, he instantly went into his much-practiced disclaimer routine: “I’ve never met the man, and I don’t know him”.