A group of right-wing thugs spent this afternoon pissing in the street and yelling racist slogans around a statue of Winston Churchill in central London. They claimed to be defending the war leader's statue from anti-racist protesters who had threatened to tear it down.
"Churchill woz a racist like us," said skinhead, Jeff Twatt. "So really, 'e should've been fighting with the Germans, not against them. I never understood why 'e did that."
A man with a tattooed face said that Black Lives Matters protesters were attempting to whitewash history by removing racist statues. He explained, "Statues is 'ow we learns history, innit? Wiv'out statues, we'd 'ave to read blahdy books. And none of us want that."
Colin O'Scopy organised the march, but had forgotten why. "OK, let me try to get this straight. The Black Lives Matters people don't like Churchill because he was a racist, but by opposing him, they're on the same side as the Nazis. So does that mean they want a statue of Hitler instead? But then he was a racist, too. It makes you think, doesn't it?"