TULSA – The President boasted that he had mailed out one million invitations to his Tulsa Presidential Campaign Rally.
Well, it appears that about 999,300 must have gotten lost in the mail, because professional estimators said that there were only 700 people in the Sooner or Later Arena.
And, according to many of the media reporters, lots of those were security guards, ushers, cotton candy vendors, reporters, cameramen, and a man who turned out to be a ballet dancer from Herzegovina.
The rally was totally underwhelming, as "The Divider-in-Chief" rambled on for 3 hours, 14 minutes, and 53 seconds, spewing the same old hate-filled, racist rhetoric that he has become noted throughout the world for.
A reporter with The Vox Populi News Agency said that the “Corona Chump” could have mailed it in.
POTUS, who was sweating like a you-know-what in church, said that he got 291 standing ovations, but actually it was just people either getting up to go to the restroom, sneaking out to get some fresh air, or going outside to throw up.
Afterwards, Trump was overheard telling his press secretary, Kayleigh “Kay-Kay” McEnany, that he still has it.
She smiled, gave him a kiss on the lips, and said, “Yes, Mr. President, and you just clinched the November election, sir.”