Government Corruption Scandal: Someone ate Tim's panini

Written by Adam J. Hushin

Thursday, 18 June 2020

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Town Hall employees were rocked by the latest government scandal.

Someone else has eaten Tim's turkey BLT panini right out of the Town Hall break room fridge.

First reports of the scandal emerged at around 12:45 p.m. Wednesday afternoon.

Tim Sullivan, the town's Economic Development Director, is alleged to be the whistleblower.

"It's just inconsiderate," Sullivan said. "I wouldn't do something like that."

Despite his outrage, Sullivan failed to answer basic questions about the missing panini. When asked where the sandwich had been ordered from and when, Sullivan dismissed the questions as "unimportant".

Other town hall employees were skeptical of Sullivan.

"I just feel like someone would've been seen eating it," Town Clerk, Deborah Potter, said.

As new details about the corruption continue to emerge, citizens have begun to voice their concerns.

"I never thought I would see our small town government corrupted by greed and distrust," Kate Wallup said. "That type of stuff should only exist in our state and national governments."

Police Chief Ronald Butte said that the FBI would be conducting the investigation.

"This level of crime is too high to be dealt with by local police," Butte said. "As soon as the FBI arrived, we handed over the investigation."

Butte disclosed that their leading theory before handing over the investigation was that Sullivan ate the panini himself and forgot about it, but added that a scandal of that calibre would cause long-lasting damage to the town government's reputation, so more evidence would be needed.

It is unclear, at this time, how high up the corruption goes. The Mayor refused to comment on the story, saying she was waiting for further details to emerge.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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