Man's grudges only growing more and more dangerous

Written by Ben Macnair

Sunday, 31 May 2020

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Where is the Ninky Nonk?

Having recently escaped from Ikea, ladies man, Brian Asshat, has revealed that the many grudges he already has have been growing during the lockdown.

'Let's look at the people I dislike. Hilary from the library, Tom Johnson from down the street, Bradley Walsh, Gordon the Gopher and Andy Peters from television, and my hatred for them has only grown during the lockdown. Period dramas, dramas, llamas, farmers, nuns, monks, people are releasing unreadable crap on Kindle and telling me about it. People who don't return my shoes after I have thrown them at them. Oh, the list goes on, and now I have told everyone, they will read this, and think what have they done to offend me. The answer, as always, is nothing, but as I know by now, I am a man of complex oddities.'

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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