Biden Is Ahead And Trump Is Screaming

Written by K.C. Bell

Tuesday, 16 June 2020

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Trump's next press secretary.

Biden is ahead in the polls, and Donald Trump is screaming like a soprano! Trump calls Joe Biden Sleepy Joe, but no one looked sleepier than Trump trying to read from the teleprompter during his West Point commencement address. Trump even appeared to be having trouble standing, leaning over and grasping onto the podium.

Biden? He sticks to the message: Donald Trump is unfit for the office.

Hearing that, Trump counters that by saying, “I am too.”

Wait, did Donald J. just say: I am too unfit?

This point about Trump’s agreement that he was unfit or fit was raised at the next White House press conference. When asked, crispy new White House press secretary Kayleigh McEnany insisted Donald Trump meant that he was indeed fit.

Another picky reporter asked, “Fit to compete in an Iron Man competition or fit to feed himself breakfast?”

“Of course he feeds himself,” Ms. McEnany replied.

Headlines followed: Donald Trump Able To Feed Self!

McEnany was called on the carpet. She was reprimanded for making Trump appear senile, but for the use of a fork and knife. A regular Houdini at press conferences, Ms. McEnany often manages to tap dance, stuff a turkey, and wax the podium at the same time. This time she prevailed once again. She promised not to make that kind of double entendre mistake again.

Whew! Another day on the job, she was coming close to breaking the previous Press Secretary’s number of days on the job.

At the next press conference, just before the end, a snarly reporter asked, “Does Donald Trump know how to use chopsticks?”

The tap-dancing stopped, the turkey fell to the floor, the wax froze. Deer in the headlights time. “Let me get back to you on that.”

Hitting the carpet again, shes told: Trump can do everything. The answer is always yes. He’s a great lover, athlete, politician, speaker, speller, you name it: great, healthy, robust, sturdy, superman at everything.

“Except for the bone spurs.”

“You’re fired.”

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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