BILLINGSGATE POST: Although a spokesman for The Church of Rightful Indignation stood by his statement that church member Slim Everdingle claimed to be on first-name terms with God, he conceded that the Slim was using a figure of speech when declaring that "God and I call each other by our first names. “I call him God, and he calls me Slim.”
Detrick “Dirty Trick” Detwiler, crack reporter for the BILLINGSGATE POST, wrote that in August 2019, he overheard Slim tell a lap dancer at the Beauty Is Only Skin Deep Club; "God told me to end the tyranny between my conscience and my libido. How about a lap dance?"
Mr. Everdingle quickly issued a terse denial last night, dismissing the comments as "absurd." Cleotus Earlbeck, the spokesman for the church, said that Slim, although a devout Christian, "never said that."
Mr. Detwiler, whose interview was recorded, today stood by his recollection of the conversation, but accepted that the statement he claims to have heard might have not been meant literally.
"It was really a figure of speech (by Slim Everdingle). I felt that he was saying that he had a mission, a commitment that God was really inspiring him...rather than a metaphysical whisper in his ear," he related.
Slim, who doesn’t mask his contempt for hypocrites of any stripe, was once quoted as saying: "I believe that God wants me to bring down the liberal leftist trash.” In spite of that, he is a devout Christian, and makes no secret of calling on God for strength while fighting the forces of evil.
Pope Francis weighed in: "If Mr. Everdingle really wants to obey God during his mission on Earth, perhaps he should start with what is blindingly obvious from the Bible, rather than his perception of supernatural messages. That would lead him to the less glamorous business of taking care of the needs of the poor, the downtrodden and the marginalized, rather than squandering his money on lap dances."
Last month, senior members of the Church of Rightful Indignation questioned Slim’s sense of "moral righteousness". The bishops of that church said in their report: "There is no uniquely righteous soothsayer. No man should see himself as the redeemer, singled out by God as part of his providential plan."
Slim: “Being divinely inspired has its drawbacks.”
Dirty: “Yo, Dude. Nuff said.”