Standing before a congregation of jubilant priests and journalists from around the globe, Pope Francis announced termination of celibacy for male clergy under 50 years old. In making the historic announcement, the Pope cited workplace safety. "I can't take it anymore. I'm scared. The tension and stress around here. What if one of these guys goes postal from the lack of you know what?" said Pope Francis.
There was mixed reaction among the laity. Some members, such as Guiessepi D'Amato praised the idea. "Finally a pope who understands that load management is not just a basketball term." Consuelo De La Trinidad appeared open to the idea, but with reservations. "It might work, but they must be restricted to only one position, the missionary, of course." Others, such as Shawn O'Day, were downright hostile to the idea and its implications. "I go to the priest to complain about the wife. Now he may come to complain about his wife to me! I'm not liking it."
When asked why the new standard applies to priests 50 years old and younger, the pope answered straightforward, and, of course, with total honesty, "...we have an HMO medical plan, Kaiser specifically, and it does not cover viagra. Most priests are well-past 50, and it might bankrupt us to add that coverage."