Toothless Yak Gums Food For Edentulous Granny

Written by Dr. Billingsgate

Monday, 9 September 2019

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Munch Sister

BILLINGSGATE POST: Praise the Lord! It’s rare that such a heartwarming story surfaces in a world bereft of humanity. This was a match made in heaven.

Granny Lizzie Kocolochek, who lived a life of quiet desperation, lost all of her teeth by the time she was 60. Her husband Homer passed away some 10 years ago, leaving her to manage the still where they eked out a meager existence making White Lighting in the hills of West Virginia.

Unable to chew food, she survived on the mash leftover from the distillation process. She longed for a decent meal of smoked coon and collard greens.

Her dreams were answered. A toothless Yak named Lucille wandered into her hillside cabin looking for a good home and decent company.

The rest is history. Bonding immediately because of their mutual needs, Lucille quietly masticates the smoked coon so that Granny Lizzie is able to swallow it, washing it down her pie hole with a slug of her own White Lighting. She reciprocates by listening respectfully to Lucille’s harmless banter while combing out her tangled dreadlocks.

Slim: "It’s a dirty job, but someone has to do it. What a beautiful story.”

Dirty: "Yo, Dude. This harmonious linkage of God’s creatures should provide solace to those who despair of finding meaning in their lives. Hallelujah!”

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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