Trump Supporters Drive Reporter Crazy

Funny story written by Keith Shirey

Thursday, 14 May 2020

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KNOW news yesterday interviewed people who were parts of a tightly-packed crowd of protesters, some carrying rifles, who attempted to enter the floor of the Michigan legislative chamber, and were held back by police. One Democratic Senator said some of his colleagues were wearing bulletproof vests. Protestors demanded that the state be opened up for all commerce, industrial, and recreational facilities.

When the protest broke up, KNOW reporter, Alice Pritchaerd, asked rifle-toting, camouflage-wearing, 67-year-old Freddy Spicer: “Why are you carrying an assault rifle?” He responded, “To protect my liberty and freedom of choice.”

Pritchaerd continued, “Please don’t take this personally, but some would ask you, "Are you going to shoot the coronavirus, because you obviously aren’t planning the kill legislators?” Spicer responded, “You can take your sarcasm, and put it where the sun don’t shine. Get out of my face.”

Undaunted, reporter Pritchaerd approached a woman wearing a MAGA hat who had wrapped herself in the American flag. “Let me ask you, don’t you think that people standing shoulder to shoulder at the protest are endangering their lives and the lives of their families when they go home? I mean that’s something that Dr.Fauci and other scientists would say."

MAGA hat lady responded, “Those doctors like Fauci are always contradicting the President, who knows more than they do. Look, Trump is a stable genius with beautiful intuition. He even has an uncle who is a scientist. What more do you need to know?"

“For me," she continued, fondling the American flag, “science, like anything else, is just a matter of opinion. Take climate change as an example. Scientists have differing opinions about that. I say we won’t know until coastal cities like New York and Los Angeles are badly flooded. Of course, that wouldn’t be a great loss! That’s just my opinion, of course.”

At that display of American patriotism, Alice Pritchaerd dropped to her knees, pounded the ground with her fists, and cried out in despair.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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