President Trump's Facemask Speaks Out

Written by Monkey Woods

Thursday, 14 May 2020

image for President Trump's Facemask Speaks Out
I'm a facemask - get me out of here!

The facemask being worn by US president, Donald Trump, has broken its silence, and spoken out about what it calls "the worst job in the world", preventing the Coronavirus entering Trump's nose and mouth.

President Trump had resisted all attempts to get him to show a good example, and wear a mask, insisting that Covid-19 is not of a sufficient caliber of deadly virus to harm his all-powerful self.

Now, he has relented, possibly sensing a profitable business proposition.

The facemask said:

"Yeah, it's the worst job in the world, on the worst gob in the world! Who'd wanna be preventin' this schmuck from gettin' infected? I tell ya, just my rotten luck!"

It's not easy being attached to Trump's mug. The mask:

"That's right. Listenin' to him spoutin' bullshit all day long is no picnic! Dribblin, slavverin', spittin' forth bile, never-endin' streams of lies, fairy tales and baby talk. Jeeeeezus Christ!"

And then there's the halitosis to deal with:

"Oh, yeah! The putrid vapors comin' up from this guy's stomach makes me wonda what the fuck's goin' on down there! Does this asshole keep vomit as a pet? A trip to an oral hygienist is looooong overdue - that's if one would agree to take a look into his toilet bowl of a mouth!"

President Trump has said that, despite all medical advice to the contrary, he won't be changing his face mask, and will demonstrate to the public that a single mask, if cleaned properly, can last for months.

The mask, when told, said:

"Holy shit!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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