Brooklyn Crime Boss Salvatore Goombalini Says That New Yorkers Better Start Self-Isolating

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Friday, 10 April 2020

image for Brooklyn Crime Boss Salvatore Goombalini Says That New Yorkers Better Start Self-Isolating
Seven of the ten Goombalini brothers (L-R) Guido, Pasquale, Giancarlo, Salvatore, Garbanzo, Pistachio, and Giuseppe.

BROOKLYN – Infamous crime boss, Salvatore Goombalini, has issued a statement that he hopes the residents of New York City will pay attention to.

Sal, as his family, his close friends, and law-enforcement officers call him, said that he is putting out the word that every citizen of the five New York City boroughs had better get off the street and self-isolate, fast.

The head of the Goombalini crime family spoke with a reporter with The Brooklyn Bridger Times, and said that he and his brothers are tired of seeing New Yorkers on the street subjecting everyone to the Coronavirus with their high-fiving, their fist-thumping, and their chest-bumping.

Sal texted the mayor, and asked him if he could appoint him to be the city’s official shelter-in-place enforcer.

He clearly pointed out that he and his 9 brothers just seem to have a special, inherent knack for making people do anything that they ask them to do (kindly, respectfully, and politely, of course).

The mayor reportedly texted him back saying that he’ll get back to him as soon as possible.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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